I enjoy Twitter. I enjoy talking shop on Twitter. I love how Twitter threads about software product development follow some very predictable patterns…

1. You’re doing [method] wrong
2. You are applying [method] to the wrong problem
3. You are practicing a watered down version of [method]
4. You are practicing a beginner’s version of [method]
5. That’s not how we practice [method]
6. You can’t do [method] until you have [some prerequisite]
7. It’s not the [method]s fault. You are attacking a symptom
8. You can’t blame [method] for [some dysfunction]
9. No one said [method] was easy. It’s not a quick fix
10. You need to hire an expert [method] consultant
11. That’s not what it says in the [method] guide
12. You need to apply the [method] to the whole organization
13. You can’t apply the [method] so broadly
14. Without a cultural shift, the [method] won’t work
15. Most people start with [method] and significantly adapt it
16. You aren’t doing the [method] as designed
17. These days, [method] has become so commercialized and watered down
18. Certifications for the [method] are a waste of time
19. Without certifications for [method] you’ll get fly-by-night operations
20. Experts just mix in the [method] with a bunch of other [methods]
21. IT managers just think they can install [method]. You can’t
22. [method] is a bit outdated
23. You’re ignoring the timeless principles of [method]
24. [Method] doesn’t work in the real world
25. That’s not how people practice [method] in the real world
26. Google does [method] this way
27. You aren’t Google, so don’t try [method]
28. The [method] invites adapting the [method]
29. We’ve been doing [method] since before it was a thing

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